If you are reading this blog, it is time.

What’s the big rush, you ask? It is a developmental given that some kids experiment with alcohol and drugs. However, the latest annual Partnership for a Drug-Free America/MetLife Foundation Attitude Tracking Study (PATS) of almost 3,300 teens and 800 parents shows that after a decade of declines in teen drug and alcohol use, rates are climbing for Ecstasy, marijuana and alcohol. We already know that prescription drug abuse by youth is a national problem and binge drinking on college campuses is a growing issue. Parents, this is no time to procrastinate.

The new PATS data indicate that 75 percent of teens say their friends usually get high at parties. Do the math.  All of us can’t have kids who don’t get high at parties. 

I am upset that cultural cues to use drug and alcohol are rampant, and that we’ve seen budget cuts in federal drug prevention and treatment programs. But what is most troubling to me is that the new PATS data indicate that parents are not acting early enough to intervene in kids’ drug use. Among parents who know their teens have used, nearly half either waited to take action or took no action. Yet we know that the earlier parents intervene, the better chance they have in preventing more serious problems.

Unfortunately, I did not have the online resources available today when my child first began smoking marijuana in middle school, taking OxyContin and nearly overdosing his first week in high school. He became addicted to heroin at age 16 and eventually crack and cocaine. How I would have loved a resource like Time to Act – a guidance tool that was created with input by scientists at the Treatment Research Institute who are on the cutting edge of addiction research, family therapists and other experts, parent volunteers who have walked your walk, as well as the dedicated Partnership staff.

There are two sections in Time to Act: one for parents who think their child is abusing substances; the other for parents who know that to be true. The information is organized, easy to understand and easy to use.

I particularly like the Need to Know section for parents in the first category, which addresses false beliefs we may have about teen drug and alcohol use. The Parent Checklist (found under “Get Focused”) for parents who know their child is using gets right to the nitty gritty:  how to respond to your teen’s anger and denial (including being called a hypocrite) and how to communicate and enforce your house rules.

My son is 22 now, clean and sober for today as a result of many actions on his part, my part, and the help of a community of tireless and caring people who take early substance abuse seriously because it can be lethal.

It’s hard to know what actions to take when you think or know your kids are using drugs. But it’s not hard to know when to do something about it – NOW. If you suspect or know your kids are using drugs, please take action.

The Partnership also has two new e-books to help parents learn how to intervene and how to get appropriate treatment for your child.  

I couldn’t believe it when I walked into my living room and saw a marijuana pipe lying on the couch.  You’ve got to be kidding, I thought. I knew that my children Lauren and Ryan, then 15 and 13, had been acting out. Calls from the school, neighbors, and the police regarding their behavior were escalating. Still, I didn’t want to believe they were into drugs. But now there was evidence. When my kids told me the pipe belonged to someone else, I bought right into it. The denial part was easy. Unfortunately, this made uncovering the whole story that much harder.

Over time I learned that things were much worse than I could have ever imagined. I eventually discovered that Lauren had been on a constant high of marijuana, alcohol, acid, cocaine, and PCP thanks to the generosity of a 30-year-old neighbor who happened to like girls half his age. 

“Parent Denial” is a major factor in the substance abuse epidemic that is happening with our children.  In 2007, the National Institute of Drug Abuse reported that half of all high school seniors in America have experimented with illegal drugs, and about three-quarters have tried alcohol.

According to Dictionary.com, denial is an unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings. I know first hand how easy it can be to reject the truth despite overwhelming evidence staring you right in the eye.

But hanging onto denial can be deadly for our kids. The intervention I conducted for my children, as late as it came, was a pivotal moment in our family’s steps toward healing and recovery.  When I felt the walls of denial that I had been building up to protect me begin to crumble, I felt the sting of reality. Yes, coming out of denial was painful, but it felt good, too. I was finally walking toward the truth, which was the only path to recovery. My willingness to take action was the first step in getting my children the help they needed.
 
If you’re suspicious that a child might be using, look deeper into the situation. There’s nothing to lose and only our children’s precious lives and futures to gain.   

5 REALLY GOOD REASONS TO COME OUT OF DENIAL:

1) The truth always comes out in the end anyway.
2) Early intervention can help curtail a spiraling addiction.
3) Your child is also in denial if he or she is using.
4) If one of you admits the truth, the door opens for solutions.
5) Things will only get worse if you delay facing facts.

You’ve  probably heard this one many times.  The teenager insists that the reason he smokes marijuana is because it helps him to chill out.  Never mind the documented evidence of the risks, parental disapproval, and legal ramifications. “And why is it so important for you to smoke marijuana to relax?,” you might ask the young champion of chill.  Explanations range from reasonable — I’m stressed out from school or my parents are bugging me, to unrealistic — it just makes my life better.   Needless to say, challenging this “chill defense” is central to reducing and or stopping the teen’s marijuana use.

I no longer debate teenagers on whether marijuana really helps them to relax or not.  Unfortunately, in some ways it does, but there is a huge price to be paid: decreased motivation, memory impairment, and dependence.  Indeed, self-medication is not the road to success.  Teens must be confronted on why they have to smoke weed to relax, and more importantly, on why they can’t find more constructive ways to reduce their stress and deal with the family and school issues that plague them.  This is no simple matter, but it lies close to the heart of the issue. 

Indeed, stressed-out, lonely, angry, rebellious, and school-challenged kids are more susceptible to marijuana use.  So, why not take them at their word?  I don’t blame you for wanting to get stoned, I’ve told teenagers as a starting point.  But the stakes are way too high.  You’re smoking away life’s opportunities and you deserve better.  Surely, there must be other ways for you to unwind and deal with your parents getting on your case.   What have you got to lose by trying? 

Parents too, must help their misguided teens to find healthier ways to relieve their angst.  In recent years, I’ve spoken with quite a few parents who have had some success.  It goes something like this:  The parent tells their child that they won’t argue about marijuana for a while (they’ve often been arguing for months or even years) if the child agrees to get involved in ongoing constructive activities and address the issues at hand.  Naturally, the teen resists but is reminded of the heavy monitoring, restrictions, and whistle blowing he will face if his marijuana involvement continues. Reluctantly, he consents and gradually enters a world outside his “stoner circle” which proves to be more gratifying than his repetitive discussions of the virtues of marijuana and seeking opportunities to get high. 

Will this approach work for everyone?  Probably not, because sometimes, young people have grown so dependent on marijuana that they can’t break away from the culture and need more powerful interventions (e.g. therapy, drug treatment, and prevention programs).  But some teens can be weaned from their drug reliance through immersion in activities such as volunteer work, martial arts, relaxation focused exercises, creative pursuits, and outdoor adventures, to name but a few.  It’s certainly worth a try before bringing in the heavy artillery. 

And keep in mind that well-deserved and valued freedom, independence of thought, and self-worth are the natural enemy of negative peer influence and the illicit drugs which induce a false sense of well-being.