Your Teen Drug Addict on the Fringe | INTERVENE: A Community for Parents

Addiction, Dealing with an Addicted Child, Treatment:

Your Teen Drug Addict on the Fringe

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

When a teen becomes an addict, that person you once knew and planned a future for has effectively checked out. What you experience is an addict who will play you better than you can play them. After a period of time, your teen’s brain becomes progressively “hard-wired” to his or her drug of choice, to use a colloquial term. Re-setting and adjusting their brains requires a period of abstinence, which is near impossible for young restless addicts without early intervention.

Public detoxification is often available but short-term. It is rarely enough without serious follow-up. As your teen’s addiction progresses, it is a matter of time before he or she ends up on the streets or in jail. Given the stress of having an addict in your house, either you or the addict will initiate a new chapter in your child’s addiction: homelessness. Fathers tend to be hard-nosed and quiet about it, mothers often the opposite.

Early intervention and keeping them off the streets is the best scenario for young addicts. Teen drug users are a tough population to win over. They will exhaust their family. Most parents will attempt intervention or treatment, but readily defer to their teen’s half-hearted contritions, wasting your time and your kid’s hope for early recovery. A recurring catch-22!

Ultimately, it is up to your teen addict to want this. Just know that by the time they feel that sense of urgency or “bottom”, their addiction may have progressed too far for you to handle alone. In that sense, if professional intervention is not financially feasible it may be wise to hold your teen legally accountable for any criminality that arises, including legal accountability from a parent. That is tough to ask of parents who would do anything to keep their kid out of jail. Unfortunately, if that lesson can’t be learned early enough, the advent of a more progressive addiction and criminality is a far bigger problem down the road. I once had admirable visions for my child. I let that go. Achieving sobriety is a remarkable objective.

Our jail systems are a heavy consequence for a young addict. Few addicts have funded diversion apply to their offences. Their criminality trumps their addiction. Reform is emerging that will engage screening and address addiction as causal where appropriate and deal with the disease. The trend we are seeing is addiction becoming a public health issue. It is a chronic liability to a public that wants accountability for the impact of addiction.

Consider this one single instance: I witnessed my own addicted family member imposing a cost to Los Angeles County treatment centers, jails and ER facilities of over $25,000 while living on the streets for less than a year. What’s the overall impact when you factor in estimates of opiate, cocaine, methamphetamine and other types of drug addicts numbering roughly 4 to 7 million individuals nationwide and growing, depending on who you include in the classification of a drug addict? That’s worth getting a handle on, not only for our immediate well-being but for the nation as a whole.

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Posted by Bill Ford | Filed under Addiction, Dealing with an Addicted Child, Treatment

My son is a cocaine/meth addict and is 35. I estimate his addiction has cost society in excess of $75,000 over the past eighteen years. The good news for all you taxpayers is his family tossed in another $100,000 or so! He is not in recovery so these figures will likely increase. I mention this to highlight your comment on our society needing a reform movement that this disease is a national health issue.

I propose a national hotline maned by parents like Bill Ford who are street smart, educated & professionaly trained on this disease and how to interact with the callers. Such a parent could have a powerful impact on the parent’s of a teen who are just beginning their journey. I wished there would have been such a program for me eighteen years ago.

With this idea, I think we will have this addiction issue under control in about five years!

Again an article that tells it like it is. It is remarkable that parents of addicts all over have the same stories.
In Canada we have government funding for addiction treatment. Unfortunately, they are voluntary. If your kid decides to leave after one day they are permitted. In my son’s case this happened four times.
Right now he is sitting in jail. He is 21 yrs old and addicted to meth. Jail is the very best place for him ! He is off the streets, and away from drugs. He needs to be responsible for his illegal activities that financed his habit. This is a forced rehab. When a kid gets clean for a period of time, they just might stay that way when they get out. I love my son and have tried everything I could think of to help. Nothing did. I have called the cops and had him arrested, maybe this time he will come out and stay clean.
If they are in jail we know where they are for that night ! Parents can then sleep not wondering where their kid is.

I don’t want to believe it. It hurts so much. I’m one of those mothers who’s the opposite of “hard-nosed.” I don’t want to sound sexist but putting a daughter on the street seems tougher than evicting a son. I worry about rape or an overdose with no one to care enough to take her to the hospital.

Our family’s biggest problem isn’t denial or communication or education. Our biggest problem is money. When I see someone write about spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to help an adult child addict, I’m amazed. My daughter has no insurance and never did. I’m a single mother who has no savings after taking out loans for my kids to go to school. My daughter is very addicted and has no money.

I go to Alanon mtgs. I pray. I look at blogs like Intervene. I try to not feel hopeless. I try not to think about my beautiful, bright, sensitive daughter never being the same again.

My daughter has seen “friends” go to jail. They were out within days and using again. None of them were offered any type of “in-patient” treatment. I’ve watched as these young people changed over the years from sweet funny teenagers to exhausted, unhealthy addicts. I’ve seen many try to quit only to relapse.

Our community is filled with young addicts who have nowhere to go. It is already a public health issue. We live in a small town but our hospital has treated many overdoses and injuries due to drug use. The number of thefts has increased with heroin users needing money to keep from feeling sick.

I see advertisements for local treatment centers but when my daughter called she was told to come up with $3000 just to get in the door. She feels like the re-hab industry is just a scam. She can’t apply for state health insurance since she’s a single adult. She always comes back to trying to quit on her own. And then she fails and then she feels like a failure. And then she ruins her body even more.

I can not agree more. As a country, we have spent a fortune over the years to educates our kids about drugs, DARE, health classes, etc. It’s time to educate on ADDICTION with the same aggressiveness we did with ’say no’. Kids today need to understand the chances they take, even if they are experimenting. There’s going to be that 1 drug that they really really like and thus begins the addiction. Our 22yr old started using pills at the age of 17. We missed ALL the signs until he graduated to heroin and we learned how to take him to detox. We spent over 10,000 on legal fees for a crime he committed. 3 rehabs and 1 overdose later, he’s now living in Florida, in a 1/2 way house. It will be a yr in August. Outside of rehab, his longest clean time has been 67days. He is learning that the consequences of him using and testing dirty is costing HIM money to keep that roof over his head and a place to sleep at night safely.
Sign me up!!!!!

I talk about addicts and jail with a heavy heart. Jail is not a good place as we know it, especially for a young addict caught up in criminalization. I have seen what addiction does. Its progression is often much more devastating and impacting than ending up behind bars. It is in context to the lack of proactive and sane alternatives, that a parent can ultimately accept jail as a viable option for a young addict’s rescue. It is merely the better of two evils. Without question, there are many great answers that are often only available when needed to those with deep pockets. Even, public funded treatment facilities are dropping addicts at minor infractions or relapse due to a growing lack of funds.

Your comments are on target! More hot line’s manned by people that have been there, addiction elevated to a national health issue from a policy perspective, funded treatment for addicts “at will”, aggressive education and intervention and aggressive inmate screening; all great! 60% of inmates in jail because of drugs or alcohol is the writing on the wall. Jails and Prisons across this great country are already housing hundreds of thousands of addicts removed from the streets. Think about that for minute! Funds are already being spent on the impact of addiction, yet, voters and lawmakers resist making that distinction and channeling spending in a more proactive manner. Senator Jim Webb is talking about this and I hope we can all support a positive outcome to his inquiry into the criminal justice system’s current policy objectives regarding addiction in America.

I especially want to acknowledge Susan’s comment, because I know the helplessness. Of course, your daughter is vulnerable to abuse on the streets. I would certainly not advocate a parent pushing a kid to the streets at their first addiction driven theft. I have been robbed often and resisted charges to the point where detectives take me with a grain of salt. Now I wish I hadn’t resisted. 20-20 hindsight, I guess! Eventually, addiction takes on a powerful life of its own. Choices happen on their own merit. My 23 year old is on the streets and is insulin dependent, so his life is in constant jeopardy. My point is this; be aware of what’s going on and act in the best interest of your child’s long term safety and chances at recovery. In Arizona’s Oro Valley School district alone, last year over a dozen teens were reported to have died of drug overdose. It barely made the news. Sharper awareness may have averted some of these traumas for families I know loved their child. Many of their name’s were not heard, because of laws protecting a minor’s privacy. We appear to care more about keeping silent than speaking out. I found out some of this from facebook. That was unacceptable.

Jail doesn’t work for addicts. I spoke with the sheriff of our county once when our son was in jail. Quoting the sheriff he said, “Jail isn’t place for addicts but that is the only tool I have to deal with the situation.” Now just imagine what would happen at election time if he publicly said addicts don’t belong in jail. We live in a very conservative county, I guarantee you he’d pay for that at the ballot box for being “soft on crime”.

But, that statement by the sheriff is truth. The problem is that we (the citizen taxpayers)only give him one tool. The old saying is, “If all you have is a hammer than everything looks like a nail.”

To change things it is going to take a lot more than just a few lonesome voices screaming in the wilderness. Organizations like The Partnership and writers like Bill are working to educate and bring voices to this problem.

As long as we are ashamed and fail to understand addiction; then the situation will remain the same. Stand up and be counted.

I would be happy to share some treatment resources for your daughter that are either free or affordable.

Regarding your comments on privacy: “over a dozen teens were reported to have died of drug overdose. It barely made the news. Sharper awareness may have averted some of these traumas for families I know loved their child. Many of their name’s were not heard, because of laws protecting a minor’s privacy.”

I feel torn over the subject of privacy. In Alanon and N/A, the rule is anonymity. And I understand the importance of that. But at the same time it also keeps the feeling of secrecy and shame uppermost in my mind when I go to an Alanon meeting. I know a woman who wouldn’t attend an N/A meeting for fear of running into people she knew.

Addiction is a disease. We wouldn’t keep leukemia a secret. There would be fundraisers for a child with leukemia.

A missing child is immediately put into an Amber Alert. Every effort is made to put out pictures and information to help find this child who is in danger.

When these things happen, no one is concerned about the privacy of a minor child; they are only concerned with rescuing him/her from illness, injury or death.

A child who is using cocaine, meth or heroin is suffering from an illness. She is in danger of injury or death. Privacy and shame should be replaced with awareness and help from the community.

I didn’t realize the signs of my little sister, who is only 17, but she is addicted to alcohol. It has been nothing but a struggle with my entire family to get her clean and sober. Our father, who also died of Alcoholism was an extremely traumatic experience my, then thirteen year old sister- who took it very hard. I find that communicating with other teens who have abused alcohol or families that are going through the same thing has helped a great deal. Researching on the web and finding great blogs and articles has been a such a help. - Thank you to all.

Good point Ron! It is good to know a sheriff acknowledges this. Yes, the reality is that citizens and lawmakers still demand criminalized addicts do regular time without special treatment. If incarceration for criminalized addicts means integrating recovery, a transformation of how addicts are warehoused in jail would have to occur. A treatment protocol would need to be there. We would even have to look at compulsory treatment for the worst cases based on good screening. Jails may be the wrong place right now, but they are the right place to find lots of drug users and alcoholics.

Regarding Susan’s comment, I want to say something about anonymity. It is definitely cornerstone of recovery. The issue with some young addicts who are not in recovery is that they violate the rights of their family members and others. They can make privacy issues very hard. Parents I know, including those in my own family like to hope addiction issues will go away on their own and not become exposed. Image trumps. Historically, shame denial and embarrassment have stood in the way of early intervention. My feeling is that when families try the hardest to not see a growing issue of addiction, they lose the best early opportunities to deal with it. Nonetheless, addiction like other diseases is a legitimate national health issue. The best we can do is to keep hammering on it to be addressed by our elected officials. Personally, I feel any young addict should have treatment on demand including transitional legal drug replacement maintenance as a gateway to treatment. It is ultimately cheaper on taxpayers and society. It repairs lives and families. It places more value on the quality of life. It gets addicts back to work.

Bill, thanks for this article. I am going to share it on my FB page in hopes that some of the people in my life that have no understanding of drug addiction will read it. My son is not the same person my friends and family knew growing up. Lots of people are disappointed him and have “written him off” as one of those “drug addicts” that are beyond hope. There’s so much more to it than that.

People can get addicted to all sorts of substances. When we think of addiction, we usually think of alcohol or illegal drugs. But people become addicted to medications, cigarettes, even glue! And some substances are more addictive than others: Drugs like crack or heroin are so addictive that they might only be used once or twice before the user loses control.

We need to band together and change the laws. Why is it voluntary to go to treatment? Why aren’t there more services in our goverment for families and teens? Jail is more expensive than rehabilitation. Yet the goverment will pay for jail but will mandate treatment but not pay for it. Most treatment programs last only 1 month that the insurance programs (if you can get insutrance to pay or if you can afford insurance) and we all know 1 month, or 1 treatment program is not effective.
Any ideas for actions? We need to save our children and this lost generation.

When I started my family, I had great intentions and no real awareness of the challenges my children would face in this culture. I thought if I did my best and provided my daughter with every opportunity that she would have a productive life, a bright and happy future. Those were my dreams, now shattered by the grip addiction has on her life. She has lost so much, we all have. Now I don’t think I have control over anything. The greatest thing I am struggling with is feeling powerless — it now defines so much of my life. I look at all the challenges humanity faces and I feel just that, powerless. The earthquake in Japan–powerless. The price of gas–powerless. The health of family members–powerless. The stories on this blog–powerless. The only thing left is my faith–not to “fix” what is going on down here, but to one day redeem us from the bondage of sin and the curse on humanity. I can only hope that He has my daughter in the palm of his hand. He gave her to me for a little while, a precious child so full of charm to fill a pair of loving arms. He picked me out, I thought He knew how safe His child would be. But I am only human.

Thanks for the words of wisdom, Mom in Maryland. “Powerless” is a big word and key to surviving an adult child addict. Alanon also can be key for the many parents stuck in the abyss of a loved ones addiction. Knowing and sharing that you are powerless is a key recognition that your daughter’s life is in hands of something much bigger than you or I. I wish you well and I know the difficulty in letting go, setting boundaries, and continuing to be constructively available to an adult child when they decide to embrace recovery.

If you played a video the day my daughter was born and told me it had been fast-forwarded to when she was 24 yrs old ,I would say OMG! This can’t be. How did this happen? Where was I when this was going on? I must have been a terrible mother.The anguise is unbearable.But the truth is We did nothing wrong.

it’ll be ok mary g., do your best, and be patient. what’s going on with the situation right now?

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