Secrets.  What should we do about the secrets we keep?  Many people who have loved ones that are drug addicts and alcoholics consider addiction a secret to be kept. 

To some, the topic is even taboo.  What does this do to our hearts and souls? 

Are we worried about being judged by those who may even be keeping the same secret? 

Are we embarrassed because we think we are to blame for our loved ones bad choices?  Everyone makes bad choices in their lives, it is called being human. 

Are we worried that our loved ones might end up in jail or dead if we reveal our secret?  Certainly we have no control over wherever they end up — good or bad.

Are we afraid that they will not love us if we share the secret?  They ultimately love their drug of choice first and foremost and in their own way love us, too. 

The truth is, they are too busy to care whether their drug addiction is a secret or not.

Yes, we can go on and on here.  The point is we should just focus on what this secret is doing to us and what it might be like if we didn’t keep it.  I can tell you that, for me, keeping this a secret was killing me.  As soon as I decided to share the secret, it allowed others to share their secret, too.  It was a relief for many of us.  Yes, we were still judged by some, but I considered that their problem, not mine.  One of my favorite quotes is by Albert Einstein.  He said, “What you think of me is none of my business.�  I try to remind myself of this often.

So, think about this:  the statistics show that there are millions of people all over the world who have addicted loved ones, so we really aren’t alone.  Supporting each other is one step to making this all bearable and, I think, a leap to a better life amidst chaos. How do we support each other if we are all keeping our secret?

Enjoy the day.  That’s why we have it!

Editor’s Note: To learn more about about how addiction is a brain disease, please visit our understanding addiction article.  Loved ones with drug addiction do get better, please visit Life After for inspirational stories of hope and recovery.

The Partnership is excited to introduce our first photo-blogger: artist and painter, Annie Preece.  After spending more than half of her life battling addiction, she made the decision to ask for help and went to treatment.  Since being in recovery her art has flourished.  Her paintings were recently displayed in the LA Downtown Art Walk.  You can watch Annie’s battle with addiction in TLC’s docu-reality series Addicted.

“EL SUEÑO”

I call this painting “EL SUEÑO” translated it means “The Dream.”  Stuck, twisting in an ugy nightmare, unable to break free, while a bright and beaufiful life is happening all around.

“EXHALE�

In my addiction I was holding my breath just waiting for something to happen and it almost killed me. When I got sober, I was finally able to exhale.

All images are used with permission © Annie Preece.

Although I have always hesitated to be an advocate for anything because perspectives often change over time, I do consider myself now an advocate for living the best life I can.  This means acknowledging the fact that no one has control over the choices I make but myself.  I also acknowledge the fact that we don’t always have control over what happens in our lives.  But what we do have control over is what we do with what happens to us.

So, that being said, I have been thinking a lot about  the people whose lives are still completely consumed by the bad choices of their drug addicted loved ones.  I’ve learned from my own experience that waiting for the drug addict to miraculously begin making good choices is hopeless.  Until I became proactive and slowly began to change myself, things were always the same — full of drama.

At the end of the day, we all know our time on Earth is short.   There is no guarantee that any of us will still be alive tomorrow, or even the next minute.  Do we want to spend the remainder of our lives dictated by someone else’s bad choices?  Yes, we believe that we are responsible for the bad choices our children make and feel responsible to make things right.  And just how long are we going to believe this?  I know parents whose children are in their 30s and 40s and still believe that it is their responsibility to make things right!

In order to move forward, I removed the concept of “blame�.  It is a great crutch to rely on and gets us nowhere. When the responsibility is moved to the person making the bad choices, it changes the

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