A Mother's Love and Hate for Her Addicted Son | INTERVENE: A Community for Parents

Alcohol, Cocaine, Dealing with an Addicted Child, Recovery & Relapse:

A Mother’s Love and Hate for Her Addicted Son

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

My son, in his late 20s, is a wonderful young man. He is the kind of son every mother dreams of — caring, loving, always doing the right thing, and he would do everything and anything to help you.

Then without any type of warning, when he drinks and does his drug of choice, there are no boundaries in his life and he becomes a person I don’t even know. Even his facial expression changes and he does not even look like my son.

My son will work his fool head off to help out. He’ll go that extra mile just to find that one item on your wish list. He enjoys all sports but his favorite is NASCAR and he could watch it from morning till night. He adores his nieces and nephews. He can make you laugh when you’re down or sit and hold your hand when things get rough. He would love to have a family to call his own, but just can’t seem to find that one person who would love him.

I watched a beautiful baby boy grow from a sweet innocent bundle of joy to a mischievous little boy. Doing all the things that little boys do. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that one day a horrible disease would strike this child and turn him in to a monster.

As a teenager I saw changes but thought that it was just typical teenage behavior. But as days and weeks went by the typical turned into worry, and worry to fear, and that fear into desperation.

It began with small things, until the addiction enveloped his entire life. Then it was all about how to get the money for the drugs; where to get the drugs; and then how to do the drug but not let anyone know you have.

My son has an addiction to cocaine and alcohol. He has no job, no insurance and feels so worthless.

He has become a liar, a thief and a full-blown drug addict. His cocaine addiction began back when he was only 17, his alcohol addiction did not start till he was almost 22. He had 5 years clean at the time and was doing really well. But that legal drug, alcohol — and thinking that just one wouldn’t hurt — took him right back to his drug of choice. It all hits the same part of the brain. Addiction is a brain disease.

Parents, believe me when I tell you that the roller coaster ride is unbelievable, the pain you endure is unimaginable. Yet the world expects you to go on like nothing has happened. Families are destroyed, and those who have no clue about the devastation of this disease are always quick to put you down or blame you.

I am and always was a good parent, even without a handbook. I prayed, and did all the right things. I was guided by specialists and really believed in them. I made sure I knew about all the childhood diseases, but no one ever told me about the one that is more silent then others. The one that can take a child’s life from you without you even knowing it — the disease of addiction. It creeps into your life and destroys your entire family and leaves you with pain loss.

The pushers and dealers get richer and richer, they get your hard earned cash, your laptops your digital cameras, your jewelry, your family heirlooms — nothing is beyond them. They have no conscience. They don’t care what their junkie brings to them as long as it’s worth something. The addict will bring the dealer a thousand dollar laptop and the dealer will give him two $10 bags in return. And when that addict walks away, the dealer laughs and thinks, what a fool.

Each and every one of these “addicts” deserves the chance at recovery. There are great people in recovery out there working very hard every day to make this world a better place.

I will continue my fight for my child, I will swallow the pain and turn him in, see him in jail if that’s what it takes. I just do not want to bury my child.

I know today what is really meant by a broken heart.

Posted by Kathleen A. Larsen-Dobbs | Filed under Alcohol, Cocaine, Dealing with an Addicted Child, Recovery & Relapse

Kathleen,
You are so strong to admit the love/hate relationship. I also felt this way plus add a lot of anger into the mix for me. As you know, I did bury my child. Now I can only hate the disease and love the memory. Keep up your strength. I don’t know you well but I can see that you have been and are a good Mother and just an overall good person. Thank you for trying to help and make a difference.
With love & respect,
Nancy Joyce
nancy@canuhearme.org

Oh my gosh…. you are citing my story. My son is 31 years old and when I read your story, all of it is so familiar to me. We have told my son he needs help until we are blue in the face. He has overdosed at least three times if not more. He does good for a while and then he goes back to the same old thing, drugs. He is on methadone, but I know that he is abusing it. He takes what he needs to make it and sells the rest for pills. He is not the baby I brought into this world. This disease they call drug addiction is nothing I would wish on my worst enemy. I know that he will either end up in jail or I will have to bury him. Until he is ready for help, there is nothing I can do for him. He will have to hit rock bottom, i am afraid and as a mother it is so hard to stand by and watch your child do this to themselves. Kathleen, I have walked your shoes many miles but yet I know there has to be something or someone out there that can help him. I pray every day that the Lord takes care of him and he is in his hands. May God bless us all!

I am starting this process and find your blog very helpful! Thank you for the words that will help me!

O.K., so I have known about my 27 year old son’s drug (heroin) addiction for a year now; came out of the blue, although we knew he was doing some kind of recreational drugs. He has not lived with me for many years, but I took him back home 3 times and it was like living with a stranger. He and his drug and his drug addicted girlfriend live a life I can only imagine. I had him in my home for 2 weeks recently. Lied and stole from me, all the while acting like he wanted to start over. Where my wonderful son went to I don’t know. He wanted to be a teacher and save the world and now he has not worked in a year, and has turned into a drug addicted bum.
Mothers, stay strong - we love our “lost” children, but we cannot let it ruin our families. Be strong for your other children, husband, etc because they need you more than ever. Hope tough love will work with the addict, but do not let the stress of their distress eat you alive. I have learned it the hard way and have chosen to have peace & happiness as best I can despite his problems. And, of course, I will always love him and hope he can make his life better somehow.

Thank you for the little bit of insight you have shared. My son, 20, is now in jail. He is in denial that he needs help. He was diagnosed bipolar but I believe he is addicted to meth or some type of drug that gives you all the symptoms of meth/bipolar behavior. Lying, stealing, won’t work, entitlement issues, aggressive, angry, just walked away from college with 3 weeks left to semester. I had him arrested 10 days ago for stealing jewelry, laptops and phones from our home. It was a horrible scene when he ran from the cops and they drug him out of our woods. He will not allow any one to see him in jail and refuses to get help. I am fearful the drug has got him good and he will do anything for it. Although the experts say he was bipolar, and this may be true, I see a drug addiction as well. I know the two diagnoses are similar but with bipolar you don’t usually be come a criminal unless you are abusing drugs. I am in constant prayer that God keeps me strong so I can show him tough love. I don’t want him to be 25 and we are still dealing with it and if I continue to enable him that’s where we will be. I pray his bottom comes sooner then later and he gets help or gets clean! God is in control~

As a mother of a 25 year old addicted to heroin, I feel the pain. My son was a college student 6 classes away from graduating with a Bachelors degree. In the past year I have watched him go from a responsible loving, logical young man to a college dropout that steals, lies asks complete strangers for money. I am angry at the dealers that supply the drugs. I never dreamed that my loving little boy whose eyes sparkled when he smiled would end up an addict at age 25. I love my son and hate that his life has taken this turn. I know his poor choices got him where he is but I am sure like most young people, his goals in life did not include being an addict.

Oh my gosh…these are my same stories. It is destroying my life. My son is 28 years old and I don’t know how to separate what is happening to him from my happiness. It is destroying our family. I spent my entire life being a mom to my children and don’t know how to let go and let the chips fall where they may. I can’t sleep for the worry. There is anger involved, too. I don’t know what to say to him or to do for him any more. On the one hand, I want to see him to make sure the he is alright but when I see him I don’t know how to control my feelings of sadness and disappontment. Does this make me a bad mother? I never realized how much my happiness was attached to how well my children were doing? How do I separate myself from that?

I feel each and everyone of you guys pain. I have a 23 year son with an addictive personality. The doctor’s say he is bi-polar also. He has been in and out of psych wards and rehabs since he was 17 years old. Overdosed several times. His latest drugs of choice have been weed and robitussin, i hate that crap! it should be illegal to sale. We have tried everything, taking things away, talking, crying, begging, praying, ignoring…what to do?? My 27 year old female cousin died last night, christmas night, of an overdose, she leaves behind 3 small children…Bless you all

I have a 20 year old son who is currently in rehab out of state. He is due to come home on January 9th, Yesterday he asked me if he could spend the night there and then come home on the 10th, Why would he want to do this except to have a last use? He met some bad boys in rehab who life in Florida and gravitated to them. I think he probably has plans to meet with them after he gets out. I let his therapist know that he said these things to me and we will hopefully nip these thoughts in the bud. Now I’m afraid that he is not sincere in his recovery, He is addicted to heroin and alcohol and I think he feels that he can still drink in moderation. I’m going to my second alanon meeting tonight, I need to stay strong for my husband and two daughters. I’m so angry and disappointed right now, We don’t have the money to keep sending him to rehab (this is his 2nd), He also was in a halfway house for 45 days but relapsed (with booze) twice. I’m really scared, Any suggestions?

I have been crying all day. Which is tough to do at work. I have a 20 yr old son, prescription med addict, xanax’s, and lord knows what else. He is my only child. He has been in and out of the court system for the past few yrs and he got out this last time in September. He had all the good intentions, he can be a loving, gentle kid…but yesterday he called me and told me had went back to using and had stolen all the money out of the Christmas cards at his fathers home. He sealed the envelopes back and he didn’t know how to tell his father. I just brock down. This is so painful that I think I am going to die. Why couldn’t God just take me and leave him alone???? He’s run away now, cause he is ashamed. I don’t know if he is ok. Jail would be a relief. It’s like a part of me has died and there is nothing but sadness. I can’t imagine feeling this way forever. I can’t. I must let go like you all have said. Separate myself. It’s just so hard. Thank you, I know i am not alone.

I am a mother of a beautiful 25 yr old daughter (only child) who is addicted to crack and I do not know what else. My daughter is a massage therapist and a mother. My daughter has left her child, has lived on the streets for months nothing is more important than her addiction. My daughter has spent time in jail once for 18 days and then the next month 28 days. I do not believe that I have ever felt such hopelessness. I have attempted to intervene and not to enable her. It is so hard to help someone when they do not see or want to admit that their is a problem or maybe just does not want to stop using. I took her to a court ordered substance abuse evaluation and a intake mtg to rehab ctr. on Dec.23, of which I am sure that she sugar coated. No one ever once asked me any questions at either of these mtgs. I’m quite sure that is the way she wanted it also. Only now to sit and wait for an individual treatment plan for her. Only to pray that nothing happens to her while they attempt to create this plan or referral for inpatient. My life is greatly affected by my daughters absence. I miss my daughter. My life is not whole without her in it.

I read your notes with tears running down my face; knowing that I could have written so much of it. My daughter is 20 yrs old, and showed up 4 hrs late on Christmas Eve, high on something, I am guessing hydrocodone or oxycodone. That was it, the moment that I really started the process of letting go. It is so hard. I am an RN. I heal people. But, I cannot heal my own daughter. Your notes help me. I am not alone. It isn’t my fault. All we can do is let go and find happiness everyday. Live. Laugh. Love.

You totally described my son, and I buried him of a methadone overdose 5 yrs ago this Oct. His Dr. was mailing him 90 Methadone pills a month..even after I begged him to stop! My son was 36, and left behind a young daughter.
Until SOMEone alerts the media about Doctors being worse “drug dealers” than the “illegal dealers”, and until something is done….there will be many many more addicts buried!

I was just surfing the net looking for suggestions of what I might write to my 21 year old son who is incarcerated and in the facilities “drug rehab” program. I came across this website and read your comments and wondered how many mothers are there like us??? It’s heartbreaking to find I have so much “company”…

When I visited him last weekend he told me he will never stop using, and that he wishes he had chosen regular jail over the treatment program. He has been using since he was 14, was in the State Prison for 18 months (age 19 to 20 1/2). And still doesn’t see a connection between his choice to use drugs and alcohol, and the “state” of his life.

A year out of prison and still on parole, he discovered meth. (previously he smoked pot and occasionally drank alcohol) In just a matter of a few weeks he lost everything. The business he was building with my father, (his job AND his future), his vehicle (company truck), his income (no unemployment for former owners who are voted out…) his girlfriend, his grandparents (who ended up moving out of state out of fear of his anger over being dismissed from the family business…)

I feel terrible because I can’t think of a single thing to tell him that will make him feel better. He doesn’t want to hear that any of this was caused by his own poor choices.. as he fumes with rage at everyone else who ruined HIS life… He says he can’t imagine that life would be worth living knowing he could never smoke a joint or drink a cold beer again…

As someone who doesn’t drink, smoke, or use anything stronger than tylenol… I just can’t relate to this point of view. I know he’s hurting inside.. (abandoned by his father, and I know that he longs for friends (he lost the good ones when he started using, and now can only attract other addicts for friends…) and the fun of being a young adult… instead of being a young adult on parole with 3 felony convictions, none of which were HIS fault, little education, and in debt from his gambling, and substance use.

How do you support your child when his goals are to continue down the path of destruction? He tells me he’s sick of seeing me because I’m so down and depressed… He only wants $$ from me, and sympathy. I refuse to give him $$, so he shuts me out.

I don’t know how to help him, and I feel guilty for the anger and resentment I feels towards him for disrespecting me (and my values) and chosing a path that will evetually tear us completely apart. I understand now why there are so few family members in the group treatment sessions… I wonder how long it takes before families just give up?

I feel more peaceful and am so thankful more to God knowing now that I am not alone, once I come across this site then cry together with you all dear ladies, as you brave enough to share your stories similar to mine about our beloved children those who have made wrong choices (drug addiction etc.) in life. Please friends (for our drug addicted children)DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE, NOR LOOSE HEART. The God we’re praying to understands our pain more than anyone else. We must not be guilty and blame ourselves upon the wrong choices our children made. If we had brought them in God’s ways and discipline them righteously while they were young, then God is pleased that we had done our duties as christian parents. Now we cannot break them from their own wrong turns, but God alone, because they are His children - they’re not ours though they are rebellious, it’s God’s work now transform them. All we can do is to accept the life they choose to live and keep loving them as they are, until we see the light of Christ will bring them back home (to GOD and us). Let go, and let God takes control, not only the lives of our lost children but for ourselves too to find His Peace in our hearts and stay strong. Lets trust the Lord through our daily prayers, focus to Him and not upon the lost child … Rejoice in the Lord and be thankful for our pain which makes us grow more stronger for each member of our families (include our lost/drug addicted child). Hurting Friends, you will be remembered in my prayers too. For Christ’s Sake!

My heart goes out to every mom and family who is going through this diabolical curse of addiction. I too, suffer with my 32 yr. old son’s crack addiction. Needless to say, the lying and stealing from their own family is cause for despair, anger, sadness and shame. Letting go and letting God has not been easy. My concern and advise has been rebuffed and his path of destruction hurts everyone that loves him. They turn into demons, enraged with words that put a knife through my heart. It is not him, but his sick personality distorted by drugs. May God give all the mothers the faith and strength to carry on and never give up your prayers for your lost sons or daughters.

I have a 28 y/o supposedly recovered heroin addicted daughter, who came to live with me from rehab. last July. She really seemed like this was the time she’d make it. As things didn’t go her way, like getting a job. things began to go down. She suffers from depression too, and my husband and I found my jewelry missing. She finally confessed. She’s on probation and we tried to get her help. Her probation officer said she needs to get back into treatment then sober living, so we started looking. In the mean time she stole more and is now on the run because the detective who’s on the case wanted to interview her. She listens to so called friends before us..She says non of her friends parents would ever turn them in. No matter how much we tell her it’s to get her more help, the faster she runs. Now I don’t know where she is, if she’s clean and I’m slowly dieing inside. She’s done this to everyone in the family. I love her and want to help her but can’t. Someone told me that I need to get out of God’s way so He can work on her. Was I wrong to call the probation officer???

Hello everyone and thank you for sharing as I can draw strength and encouragement (especially from Tali) My son is 23 years old raised to have a relationship with God and I too must learn to let go and stay out of Gods way, if anyone has any words for me please tell me because I need help to do this (alanon hasn’t really helped me, believe me I did my best for it to embrace it) I seem to be at the worst of it now as he can;t go much longer the way he is going, by that I mean getting his 3rd dui only having his lincense back for 12 days, not working but has unempl. because he has a solid work hisory. He never drank a little bit but just downs bottles of striat alcolhal by himself, drives all over the place plays poker at casinos and has had many near death hospitalizations from drinking. I finally text messaged him that i have changed and I am not going to let him do this to me (health conditions gets worse as I have m.s. and husband has real high blood press) he has had conversations with bad voices in his head ( and soo much more unable to write) He is next door where drugs and alcohal are daily lifestyles and I’m trying to brace myself for what comes next as you can see my delima I need to let go Help Help Help!!!

I know the feeling of pain in your heart. It felt like a knife cutting it. And then it would heal but when he relapsed again the cut that was there would open up and I would have to heal again. But now I don’t have that sharp pain anymore. I have realized thru prayer and a lot of reading and advice that I can’t get my old hopes up only to be let down. I have hopes of a different kind now. I pray that God will keep my son in His hands and help him to feel His love and give him strength to see that he is a good person and that he is loved so much. I feel relieved that I have given my son to God knowing I can’t try to do it anymore. I have apoligized to my son for all the times I have tried to help him only enabling him more. I told him that only prolonged his disease and mine for thinking I could make a difference. It is a hard fight and I pray that all of you can soon feel relief and peace.

How my heart hurts as I read this article…I had that very same son…loving, handsome. well educated,…the pride of his mom til Sept 13 2009 when his fiance found him dead….the joy of my life, my every breath, my only child taken….from drug and alcohol abuse at age 33….what a rollercoaster love hate relationship …I am not certain how I will ever recover from this

My heart hurts for every mom that is dealing with an addicted child. My 24 year old son is addicted to meth. He is facing serious charges and prison time. His addition has financially ruined me through stolen credit cards, attorney fees, ect. I am raising his son and he currently has a son who was born premature and in ICU. I don’t think I have the energy to raise it also. I pray and believe but somedays I feel as if I can’t go on anymore. I wish there could be just a small break to gain my strenght back. I tried to be the best mom possible, taking my children to church ect. I feel guiltly about the addiction, why didn’t I see it sooner, why can’t I save my child. I am angered addiction has stolen my child. He was introduced to the drug by my nephew at my brothers home when he was only 13. I thought my brothers home was safe. I am just so angry. My heart goes out to you all.

I have a 19 year old son who turned 19 on Feb. 23rd. I am expecting a call today from his primary therapist in the 30 day in patient program that he entered last Friday. The last four months have been a blurr. His father passed away when he was 15 of a cocaine overdose. We were divorced and I was totally unaware that he was using or abusing drugs. I tried everything I could to get my son to go to counseling, but he absolutely refused. I thought that I could get him through this period with enouch love and support. I put him into a private school closer to my home. He trived and was a great kid, never broke curfew, had great friends, lived a transparent life that was free of drugs and alcohol.

Chris only stayed in touch with his best friend whose girlfriend got pregnant just after his friend turned 18. Chris saw and spoke with his best friend very infreqently because he was busy with his new friends and school. His friend approached my husband and I asking for a job. We hired him, we help him get into an apartment, furnished his apartment, nursery and purchased any and everything he would need for the baby so he could get a good start. He was very young and made many stupid financial decisions. His mother and I both helped him. Little did we know that this kid was going out every night partying with his friends from his old school. He was drinking and taking any drugs he could get his hands on. He started missing work on Mondays, coming in late, and his work performance slipped to the point of if it was anyone else I would have fired them immediately.

My son turned 18, graduated and started college. We had purchased a small condo for him so he could be close to the family, but still live independently. We were very close and he probably called my 4 times a day for one reason or another. All was going great until his girlfriend broke up with him. He was not dealing well with the loss, I figured that this triggered some abandonment issue from the loss of his father that he never dealt with. I took him away for a short vacation with just the two of us. I tried to get him to go to counseling again, but he said he didn’t want to go and that he would be okay. Two weeks later he told me he wanted to talk to someone I scheduled an appointment.

In the interium my son started hanging out with his old best friend. The very next day I called his friend into my office and told him that I believed that he was drinking and doing drugs and hanging with a bad croud. I told him that he had better not do anything around my son or bring my son around his other friends. He told me he would never bring my son around them and that he was so greatful to me for everything I had done for him. We discussed that I believed that Chris was suffering from depression and that I had an appointment scheduled for Chris to talk with someone.

Within 3 days my son decided he didn’t need the appointment and called me less and less. Then he started actively avoiding me. He was always too busy studying, sleeping or on his way somewhere. The more he tried to withdraw from me the more I tried to get in touch with him. I talked to his friend and he said he really wasn’t seeing Chris that often that my son was spending time with his other friends. He told me that Chris just wanted some space and that he was fine. I looked on my son’s facebook page and he looked stoned, I had one of his friends log on and that is when I noticed that all of his friends were obviously trying to get in touch with my son to no avail. One even said “where have you been, what about us. All you do is smoke and get tattoos.”

It was game on then because I knew that while I was supporting his best friend he was lying to my face about what my son was doing. I confronted him, we walked out and my son called me screaming like a lunatic because his friend had a kid to support. Within two days my son had withdrawn 37K in insurance proceeds from the bank account. I found them at our condo with a u-haul. I wouldn’t let him take anything but one tv and his clothes. I refused to let him take the car that was titled and insured in my name He handed over his car keys to me and condo keys and walked out of my life. I couldn’t believe what had transpired. If ever there was a recipe for desaster it would be 37K and two teenagers on drugs.

I lost my mind, I begged, pleaded for help from everyone. The kids’ mother because she saw the boys because they would drop her grandson off. Everybody thought I was overreacting and that boys will be boys and that I needed to let go. It ate me alive. I was totally consumed. I tried to call, email, communicate through facebook. I had a couple of lucid conversations with him where he would schedule meetings with me to change the title to his car or help pack the contents of the condo to be stored and made plans to spend some time together for Christmas. However, he cancelled plans repreatedly and when he actually showed up he was angry, verbally abusive and irrational.

I finally told him that I was done. His bad behavior was affecting me two much and that when he could be a responsible caring family member that he could call me, but until then to just stay way. I stopped calling him.

This all transpired within three or possibly fourt months from the time he first smoked pot and drank with his friend. He only lived with his friend for 2 months before he called and wanted to move back into the condo. I wanted him away from his friend and to get him into rehab because although he denied it, I knew he was on something. He said that he hadn’t been doing any drugs, that he still had the majority of his money and that he just wanted to take advantage of the opportuniy we had previously offered him. We let him move back into the condo and returned his car to him on the condition that he agree to see a counselor with me to work on our relationship and that his friend was absolutely not to be at my condo. He agreed and we had two sessions with the counselor. My plan was to get him in there so we could get started on the family issues, his depression and ultimately his drug usage. The first meeting he was aloof and blamed me for everyting. He really liked that part even though most of it was irrational and untrue. The next session, he was a little more rational, but was still aloof.

I receied a telephone call the day before the 3rd session from his friends’ mother that my son had just been arrested. After 3 phone calls to her son she was finally able to learn that his friend was with him walking to our condo and the cops stopped them and found Chris with cocaine and marjauana. My husband wouldn’t let me go down that night, but the very nest morning I was there with 3K to bail him out. He told me that jail was horrible, he admitted to using cocaine and stated that he needed to get away from the temptations. He confessed that he had none of the 37K left. We went to the counselor that day and Chris said he wanted to go somewhere to get treatment. I immediately started looking for a facility. He disappeared all day and wouldn’t answer the phone. When he finally answered he was hostile and verbally abusive. I told him I was on my way over to the condo and if he wasn’t there that I would revoke his bail. He was there, I showed him the website of the treatment facility I decided on, I put him on the telephone with the screener because they wouldn’t take him unless he agreed to treatment. We packed and I drove him three hours to Palm Beach.

I am a wreck, it looks like I did everything wrong. I am so angry at everyone. My husband, his stepfather isn’t as emotionally involved as I am and he is really angry about the way we were treated, the lies, the effect this has had on our 3 year old daughter and our marriage, and having to dish out 12K for rehab; 3K in bail and attorneys fees. Chris has lied to us so much over the last 4 months that I don’t trust him, I don’t trust my own judgment and I don’t know if he is just scamming us again. I am totally consumed by this and cannot sleep or think of anything or anyone else but my son. I continually replay each instance where if I would have done something differently things wouldn’t have turned out this way.

I have so many questions. Starting with how do go through 37K in 3 months. When I admitted him to the facility they drug tested him and they said they found cocaine and marjauna. I feel like I have been through hell in the last four months. My son blames me, his friend blames me (I could hear him in the background aggitating Chris), my husband blames me because Chris is my son and I blame myself at least as much as they do.

I am so scared of what the future holds. I cannot imagine what our future hold and what will happen to my son or the rest of the family. I don’t think I am as stong as you are because this seems unbearable to me.

Hello, and thanks to all,
For me it is my daughter who has left 5 children, first for the streets and then in jail, all because of the addiction which is complicated by her bipolar illness and a learning disability. I’m surprised to be happy that she is now in the NJ Women’s Prison because for the first time in Years
she is getting the health care and the medication for the bipolar illness that she has always needed but would not take. She would not admit that she had a mental illness and just kept using instead of getting real medication - and she’s getting some training in life skills so maybe she can make it when she gets out. She’s never done anything evil,
but just ignoring the court orders got her into contempt of court and there she is. It seems a rather crazy use of tax payer dollars to treat her like a criminal/even in there with murderers but still I have to be grateful. She writes letters to me that make sense at last! and is appreciative of my supporting the children. Bless you all!

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