Challenging the Teen Who Smokes Marijuana to Chill Out | INTERVENE: A Community for Parents

Challenging the Stoner’s Classic “Chill Defense”

Friday, July 24th, 2009

You’ve probably heard this one many times. The teenager insists that the reason he smokes marijuana is because it helps him to chill out. Never mind the documented evidence of the risks, parental disapproval, and legal ramifications. “And why is it so important for you to smoke marijuana to relax?,” you might ask the young champion of chill. Explanations range from reasonable — I’m stressed out from school or my parents are bugging me, to unrealistic — it just makes my life better. Needless to say, challenging this “chill defense” is central to reducing and or stopping the teen’s marijuana use.

I no longer debate teenagers on whether marijuana really helps them to relax or not. Unfortunately, in some ways it does, but there is a huge price to be paid: decreased motivation, memory impairment, and dependence. Indeed, self-medication is not the road to success. Teens must be confronted on why they have to smoke weed to relax, and more importantly, on why they can’t find more constructive ways to reduce their stress and deal with the family and school issues that plague them. This is no simple matter, but it lies close to the heart of the issue.

Indeed, stressed-out, lonely, angry, rebellious, and school-challenged kids are more susceptible to marijuana use. So, why not take them at their word? I don’t blame you for wanting to get stoned, I’ve told teenagers as a starting point. But the stakes are way too high. You’re smoking away life’s opportunities and you deserve better. Surely, there must be other ways for you to unwind and deal with your parents getting on your case. What have you got to lose by trying?

Parents too, must help their misguided teens to find healthier ways to relieve their angst. In recent years, I’ve spoken with quite a few parents who have had some success. It goes something like this: The parent tells their child that they won’t argue about marijuana for a while (they’ve often been arguing for months or even years) if the child agrees to get involved in ongoing constructive activities and address the issues at hand. Naturally, the teen resists but is reminded of the heavy monitoring, restrictions, and whistle blowing he will face if his marijuana involvement continues. Reluctantly, he consents and gradually enters a world outside his “stoner circle” which proves to be more gratifying than his repetitive discussions of the virtues of marijuana and seeking opportunities to get high.

Will this approach work for everyone? Probably not, because sometimes, young people have grown so dependent on marijuana that they can’t break away from the culture and need more powerful interventions (e.g. therapy, drug treatment, and prevention programs). But some teens can be weaned from their drug reliance through immersion in activities such as volunteer work, martial arts, relaxation focused exercises, creative pursuits, and outdoor adventures, to name but a few. It’s certainly worth a try before bringing in the heavy artillery.

And keep in mind that well-deserved and valued freedom, independence of thought, and self-worth are the natural enemy of negative peer influence and the illicit drugs which induce a false sense of well-being.

Posted by Neil Bernstein, Ph.D. | Filed under Confronting Teens, Marijuana

Thank you for your post on confronting marijuana-using teens. I welome any new thoughts on how to deal with this troubling issue — and as you say, it’s certainly worth a try! Thanks again…

HAHAHAHA! Seriously, its time for you and people like you to wake up. Marijuana is not a new thing to the world. People have been using it since the beginning of time, recreationally and as medicine. Not to mention that before marijuana was illegal, it was socially acceptable to smoke in public. All drugs were at one point. At one point in time almost every house hold had cocaine in there cabinets.

How can people like you drink beer and smoke cigarettes, and say that pot is the worst thing that a person can put in there system. In some countries, beer is illegal and weed is legal. Bottom line, marijuana is harmless, non-addicting and helps people to deal with whatever problem that they are dealing with. Its only as addicting as you make it.

Marijuana is the least of a parents worries. Pills and alcohol are far more dangerous and more habit addicting that weed. Pills are the enemy, NOT marijuana.

Greg, most of what you said is true but it doesn’t change the fact that the drug is illegal and has costly consequences, that it does make the user lethargic and not follow through on responsibilities, and, I am afraid to tell you, that it is addicting. And damaging to your lungs. Pot also puts young people in contact with those who are ready to sell them other substances that are far worse. As a parent you will find that this is a very distressing problem. We want you to be healthy, happy and successful in life and drugs will bring you none of these things. My husband and I have spent better than $10,000 in dealing with my son’s marijuana indulgences as a minor. That is a lot of wasted money and is getting high really worth what you put, or can put, your family through?

Greg, crawl back into the cave that u have crawled out of-fire u up another blunt and stop giving out advise on your weed- get some counseling and for gods sake grow up dude!!!!

If the problem is that it is illegal, making it legal will solve it. It is illegal because it is harmful. My son was and possibly still is addicted, and we tried many times to intervene but he was so attached that he didn’t care about us or any money that we would spend on him. The problem is that it affects the motivation of an abuser to the point he wants to do nothing other than “chill” and loses chances to learn skills for a successful future, to make good friends, to have good and rewarding experiences. Dr. Bernstein is right. Life is stressful but there are many ways to cope other than becoming dependent on a substance. Another problem is the denial that marijuana causes any harm. Sometimes parents don’t take it seriously and then when it gets out of hand, the addiction has already progressed to the point where it is hard for the teenager to quit. I think one problem is that a teenager is living in an artificial environment where he has people to take care of him so he doesn’t have to work to take care of himself. We struggle with the issue of forcing our child to go out on his own so he understands that chilling will not pay the rent and, yeah, he may be able to do a minimum wage job, but does he want to live like that the rest of his life?

for the ignorant people that think marijuana is not addictive is because they themselves are using it or maybe they don’t have a relative that is addicted to marijuana

Greg,
You must be a frequent user. Funny, you sound just like my 17 year old son that still has a lot of growing up to do.

I suppose it all goes back to responsibility, Marijuana can become addictive to some in their quest to avoid reality. While alcohol and many other legal perspective altering substances can be abused as well. Marijuana has be disproved as a gateway drug and offers medicinal purposes as well. Moderation is the key to marijuana as in everything, some people have addictive personalities so misplacing your anger is pointless. It does not cause cancer and is much better then a common cigarette, no chemical additives and such. I’m not defending marijuana abuse whatsoever, although many can use and lead a prosperous lifestyle. Prohibition did not work and I doubt the millions of dollars spent on the war on drugs will either. If we taxed marijuana and controlled distribution violence and illegal activity would decrease.

I am a 18 year old highschool teenager that smokes pot, since i have started smoking it showed me there is a lot more to life than the here and now, i have smoked pot almost everyday for a year and my grades have risen from a 2.5 to a 3.7, i have improved as an athlead, and have become closer to my faith, as you can tell smoking pot has had a negative effet on my life. People who let pot rule their life are weak people, if it wasnt pot it would be something else, it is only addictive as you make it, as greg said, i have quit smoking many times before and could do it again anyday, as i said i smoke everyday

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